How many times have you heard something along the lines of “follow your passion, find your purpose, and you won't have to work a day in your life”? I understand the sentiment of aligning your work with what deeply motivates and fulfils you so that it feels like a meaningful pursuit, but I'm starting to wonder if it's led us on a wild goose chase. It suggests that if we find that one thing, life will be 'easy.' But I'm sure dancers have danced when they didn't feel like it, writers have struggled through writer's block, and artists have battled self-doubt and lack of direction. I love what I do, and yet I've had very hard and stressful periods where I questioned myself.
Lately, I've been talking with folks about this topic, and there seems to be a sense of hopelessness as they're still 'finding their purpose & passion,' like it's a destination on a never-ending path. Has this idea had the opposite effect of its intent—to get people in tune with their hearts? It seems to direct people to continually look for something outside of themselves, to do and achieve more to 'feel better.' Does our passion need to be how we earn money? Or can we find joy in our roles, and pursue our passion outside of our work? And if there's a curveball or hiccup, or the steps along the way don't meet our expectations, or there's a chapter of grind, do we give up too easily?
In the search for our passion, have we misled ourselves (and our youth) to mistake hard work for 'the wrong path' or 'not our passion'? And have we missed the point of being alive?
As Tim Ferriss says,
“If you're confused about life, you're not alone. There are almost eight billion of us. This isn't a problem, of course, once you realize that life is neither a problem to be solved nor a game to be won. If you are too intent on making the pieces of a nonexistent puzzle fit, you miss out on all the real fun.”
I write about this because I too have had periods where I felt lost and disillusioned. Times when I really didn't want to be doing what I was doing (for my primary work) and yearned for something else. There MUST be something else! I've been there.
Recently, I was listening to Andrew Huberman for the first time. If you haven't heard of him, he's a renowned neuroscientist and tenured professor at Stanford University, where he leads the Huberman Lab, focusing on brain function, behaviour, and health. He often quoted, “we must know thyself,” urging us to learn our limits and train ourselves to transition into and out of different states. It's about understanding our basic biology as humans, but it's not always a one-size-fits-all approach. Get curious, become aware, and learn from your own experience.
One concept he explained was the Dopamine Curve. When we do something that increases our dopamine and other feel-good chemicals, our body naturally wants to return to homeostasis. This means if we experience a big high or high stress, there is a reciprocal recovery period. We have to learn to rest and recover, which often means sitting in the mundane. Which in this day & age with distraction literally at our fingertips is very hard to do. For how long? Well, that's different for everyone, which is why we must 'know ourselves.'
What do we do when we're feeling emotions we don't want to feel, like being low, stressed, or bored? We eat something, do something, have a drink, or even take drugs, or watch something to get that dopamine hit again. But each time, we need more to get the same effect. This starts a cycle where we dip lower & longer below our baseline, eventually affecting our sleep and overall health.
A couple of zero-cost suggestions he mentions are non-sleep deep rest, ie. meditation, and Yoga Nidra, especially if your sleep has been affected. These are zero cost, so why don't more of us do it? Because we don't get the feel-good hormones (the kick, the buzz!) straight away; there's no quick fix. But if you keep at it, your biological state will change, and you'll start to feel the difference. I know this to be true because since consistently meditating, it can be hard to explain but I really do stop to smell the roses more often. I move through periods of stress with a bit more lightness and a quicker rebound. I've cultivated more trust, and grit. My wonder in the world has increased, and my anxiety and helplessness have decreased dramatically. I don't mind being bored, and yet I can't remember the last time I was. It wasn't until I started meditating—and it took 1-2 years of practice—that I began really questioning some life choices, long-held beliefs, and my whole identity. One of them was my habitual daily wines. My friend Philly did a podcast with another friend (and teacher) Claire Robbie— link here for anyone who is sober curious. I told Philly how relatable her stories felt, and by sharing her story, it might give someone else the courage to make a change.
Back to Andrew, among many things, he encourages people to stop chasing excessive highs and start finding joy in the simple things in life—& one example I love is enjoying the company of a dog. I say a big yes to that one. Link here to the episode.
When we slow down, rest, recover, and connect to our inner landscape, we have more of a chance to hear our soul whispers, & we may just find that our purpose & our passion, is simply to be alive.
I am very lucky as I get to witness this daily as I married a man who is passionate about living. And he doesn't ever concern himself with what his passion or purpose is. Yet he embraces everything he does with passion and a child like quality. Not a day goes by without barrels of laughter. Don't get me wrong, he is serious when he needs to be, but he's not searching for something out there, he's not waiting on something to be achieved, or a milestone to happen to enjoy life. He's embracing each moment, each task with a lightness & joy.
Jack Kornfield says:
“The purpose of a spiritual life is not to create some special state of mind. A state of mind is always temporary. The purpose is to work directly with the most primary elements of our body and our mind, to see the ways we get trapped by our fears, desires, and anger, and to learn directly our capacity for freedom.”
So can we turn our direction 180 degrees to our inner landscape and simply notice what is going on? I'm teaching a course next month that I absolutely love to teach. It provides a strong foundation for people to begin to reconnect, de-stress, and uncover their joy. And perhaps we should add a caveat to “find your passion” with… get still, close your eyes, listen & feel.