The luxury of silence
In December last year, I attended a 6 night / 5.5 day silent retreat and emerged the Wednesday before Christmas. It felt truly luxurious. No talking, no technology, no books. A wise & compassionate, & very experienced meditator, Mutribo guided us at sunrise & sunset. His words nourished our souls. They felt like a warm hug. An anchor & permission to fall back within myself.
We spent 7 hours a day of meditating, peppered with fresh delicious organic meals, bush walks to visit the cows, pats with the farm blue healer, rainforest strolls, bird watching, swims & sunbathing. ☀️
It was challenging at times, especially the first couple of days; I was soooo tired - 60 & 90 minute sittings to just be with myself. Of course I was, this was a very unusual experience for my mind - to have long periods of sitting, watching my mind -body phenomenon, with no distractions. Over the 6 days, I gradually softened & let go. Some sittings were deep & blissful, others were looong & arduous, a bit like life.
“Everything is random & nothing is accidental, a meditator knows there is no difference between the two.”
I have never felt a statement to be more true. During some of the meditations, I accessed a deep level of trust I didn't know existed. As memories of my life surfaced; I felt as though I was watching a motion picture “The life of Emma” with all of it's plot twists, horrors & delights. I found myself smiling. As if I had uncovered that we're all in on this cosmic play. All in costume, playing out the roles & identities we have adopted. Worrying & stressing about insignificant things, believing all of our thoughts. I felt as though I was just let in on a long held cosmic secret - yet it'd been inside of me all along. It's as if I'd just pulled back the curtain & looked at my life from a whole new perspective. We're all here in the cosmos to experience consciousness as a mind-body entity. What happens will happen. Can I just relax & enjoy the ride? 🎢
"On the spiritual path, selfishness is not a bad quality. It's an essential one. And that selfishness simply recognises that if you are not okay, the world in which you live can never be okay. The change starts with you." Mutribo
This time away was the ultimate luxurious gift to myself. And selfish. 😁🎁 If we're not okay, the world in which we live can never be okay. Boy this landed with me. I returned relaxed & so re-energised for life & felt so much love for the people in mine. I felt ready to do the things I love, & have been wading in the lingering spaciousness within. I have yet to find another experience that has granted such deep inner peace.
Some more of Mutribo's beautiful wisdom below.
"Each one of us knows that we're in a queue and it's a queue that we joined at our birth and the end of that queue is our death and we've been inching our way along it but never quite knowing if suddenly someone may ask us to come to the front unexpectedly. That's the human condition. We know we're going to die, and we don't know when.
Please connect with whatever urgency you can find inside yourself that death, that the knowledge of your death brings you. We're all in the same boat. It's all of our future. And when you bring death closer, when you let her sit beside you frequently, When you invite her into your life as a friend and as an ally, then it's important in her company to be honest and clear with yourself. What is it you fundamentally want for the rest of your life? What is? The thing you care about the most.
And there's no wrong or right answer to those questions. There's only an honest answer. In the privacy of you and death, you can see what that honest answer is." Mutribo
May this be a nudge to you as the new year has well & truly started to really look deep within, get quiet and connect with the part of you that doesn't change. What is it that you want for the rest of your life? Then get on & do that, or something towards that each day. Otherwise, you'll miss the point. Don't miss the point. 💛. Now that I've moved back into my work routines & I am once again in the thick of running a business & just doing 'life' things, the spaciousness I felt has dissipated, and that's okay. That's the flow of life. I'm conscious not to hold on too tightly. I've taped the above quotes up above my mirror and I ready them every day. For the pull of habit & conditioning is like a strong current, and I get pulled into the current most days. However I sit in stillness twice a day; to give myself a chance to remember. And when I put my earrings in each morning; I look at those beautiful words. What little reminders can you give yourself for when your mind does what minds do; overthink & complicate things. Do that. X