Meditation is not an improvement plan. 

There are certain authors & books I come back to time & time again.  Often when my ego is extra loud & bossy, pulling me into the illusion of control.  Searching for what could go wrong, seeking an unattainable control over things, expecting things & people (including myself) to be other than what they are.  When this happens, I return to my treasured books.  One of these is “The Wisdom of No Escape” by Pema Chödrön.  Pema is an American Buddhist nun and author.  What I love about Pema is that she lead a very typical Western (American) life up until the age of 36. She studied art and then worked as a school teacher, she was married and had a child. Then, at the age of 36, she had an experience that led her to Buddhism. She traveled to India and studied with various Buddhist teachers, and then became a nun.  Her writing & teachings are accessible and relatable.   She helps others develop a deeper understanding of themselves and the world around them.  This quote below: 

“Meditation is about seeing clearly the body that we have, the mind that we have, the domestic situation that we have, the job that we have and the people who are in our lives.  It's about seeing how we react to all these things.”

“This is not an improvement plan; it is not a situation in which you try to better than you are now.”

Often we are drawn to meditation because we're seeking change.  When I first came across meditation, I had a reoccurring thought over several years “am I doing this right?”.   By “This” I was meaning life.  I had started to read books by authors like Gary Zukav, Eckhart Tolle & Oprah ("What I know for Sure" holds a very special place in my heart).  When I read these books a little light from within would flicker.  A spark.   I would then be pulled back into the chase, the treadmill of life, that was never ending chase of more, of getting ‘there’, and seeking highs.   

My intro to meditation

During this time,  I stumbled across Transcendental Meditation (TM) and signed up for an information session.  I got a call from the local teacher the next day.  I remember clearly thinking “oh god, that was quick, what am I in for?”  A part of me knew this was exactly what I was ‘looking’ for; but a part of me had a firm hold & didn't want change.  Guys, the info session was in a little dinky room, in an inner city apartment on a tucked away skinny street in the city of Wellington.  I remember walking with my girlfriend up to the door thinking, should we go in?  And we were so grateful we weren't doing this alone.   An elderly gentlemen in an oversized beige suit, and brown tie answered the door.  His name was Rodney.  The room had 6 chairs lined up in a row and a small table with books on display.  The walls were bare, except for one print of a Yogi (I come to learn this was Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, the founder of TM ).  We watched very dated videos from the 80s and Rodney told us about the incredible benefits of TM, the fees and how to sign up.  I had to look past the dated video's, the slightly creepy apartment & the oversized suit.  I did.  I signed up.  After the first day on the course, we started to practice at home. I remember that practice so clearly.  I had tears just sitting inside my lids.   Because there was a part of me that was acknowledged.  A part that I had ignored for many years.  TM  was a beautiful introduction to a practice that has now become my best friend. 

Pema says: “The problem is that the desire to change is fundamentally a form of aggression towards yourself."  

…The other problem is that our hangups, unfortunately or fortunately, contain our wealth.  Our neurosis and our wisdom are made out of the same material.  if you throw out your neurosis, you throw out your wisdom.” 

This has shown up for me in many ways.  Eg.  My workaholism.  From a young age I've been a “worker”.  I get sh*t done.   However, over the years, I've thrown myself into my work, and my business, then resented it; & blamed it for my exhaustion, my worries, my anxiety.  And it came from a place of wanting control. Surely, the harder I work and the more I work, the more I can control the outcome? The more I can avoid failure. It has caused me a lot of stress, tension & worry, and has fuelled an undercurrent of anxiety that drove my actions in the past.  I wasn't present very often, nor did I want to be, or know how to be.  There was always the next ‘goal’ ‘win’ to look to, a moving target for happiness.  I'd hear people say " it's about the journey, not the destination, and I thought yeah right, you don't know what I'm going through. However, this part of me, while nearly leading me to burnout at times,  has served me well as I have stayed committed when times are tough; and I've seen things through no matter what.  And bared the fruit from the seeds I planted many moons ago.  We talk about this quite in depth in the AIM Foundation Course.  Our addiction to comfort. Our craving for the familiar.  

 Meditation is not an improvement plan.  Even though it's appealing because of the hope for change.  We are not improvement plans.  In fact, what I've come to know, is mostly unlearning what I thought to be true.  Slowly & gently we ease into befriending the parts of us that we dislike, suppress & avoid, because as Pema says, our hangups contain our wealth; there are 2 sides to a coin. 

Since learning TM, I have trained with 2 incredible, smart, down to earth teachers.  And completed teacher training with them both.  Claire Robbie & Jacqui Lewis.  They are beautiful examples of humans who are doing life a little differently.  Very much in the modern day with family, work & business commitments.  Humans I can relate too.  I think we're naturally drawn to people when we can see ourselves in them.  We can feel their stories in our bodies.   

I love Claire & Jacqui because they have steered away from the dogma of spirituality.  It's quite ironic when some groups in the meditation / spirituality arena market themselves as the “best” and / or have strict rules that must be adhered to.  Something I took on at face value, in the beginning.  But I've relaxed & have let a lot of that go.  As people we're evolving and so it's only natural as teachers we are too.  These ladies share how I like to learn & teach.    Authentically from our lived experience, even when it feels incredibly vulnerable, we share from our experience as meditators,  from our studies of ancient teachings with a mix of science, and we don't take it all too seriously.  Plus there are no 80s videos to watch.  🤣   If you want to learn a self sufficient practice - I'll be teaching the Awareness Insight Meditation Course next month. Click here for more info & to reserve your place.

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